I Did It!

They say your first year is the hardest, I do not agree.  Your first year is survival, numbness and existing.  We made it through a lot of firsts but now that I have to start going out of my comfort zone.  I did that for the first time the other day.  We were invited to a graduation party that was not a family event.  I had no problem saying yes we would go, until the day of the party.  The anxiety I felt was unbelievable.  I had trouble getting out of bed, getting ready, I was so close to calling my friend and saying I'm sorry but we are not coming.  I didn't do that, I couldn't. It was my best friend's daughter's party, I couldn't miss it.  She was there for me for the last year, I had to be there for her to celebrate this milestone in her daughter's life.  
I have not been to a party by myself in the last 18 years. Kevin and I always went together and enjoyed the time we would spend together and with friends.  The stress I was feeling was chest tightening.  When we were on our way I told the boys we would stay for about 2 hours, we actually stayed 6 hours.  I was so proud of myself.  We had a great time, the boys played and I sat and talked to people.
That was a huge step for me. It took everything to accomplish that but I did it!