I Survived

     Here I am less than 24 hours from when I made the decision to take Kevin off all of the machines.  It has been one whole year.  One whole year without Kevin, my best friend, my other half.  It was the most difficult day and  year of my life, but I survived.
     This year I have done things on my own in the house that I never thought I would do.  I have replaced appliances, had things fixed, I have been mom and dad.  I survived!
     Nothing about this year has been easy.  I was talking to Matt the other day and said to him "We made it through one year, now I need to go back to food shopping the way I use to. I need to stop just running into the store and grabbing food." Matt said "Does that include Sam's Club?" Because of course it is all about the free food when you go there.  I have been strong this past year. I have been there for the boys and kept going every day.  I got up every morning, went to work, took the boys everywhere they needed to go and tried to breath.  It hasn't been easy and I have not taken care of myself the way I should have.  I need to start taking care of me along with the boys.  I need to get back to exercising and eating better.  I need to be a good example for the boys and I need to be healthy for the boys.  I will survive.
     Today I was in the truck and a song came on by Cole Swindell.  The song was You Should Be Here. As I sat and listened I couldn't help but think of Kevin, it represented him so much.  I think back on all the amazing things that have happened with the boys this year that he missed, concerts, graduation, sports. He should be here. I miss him every day, every minute of every day.  My heart hurts, but I am surviving and he would be proud of me.