I am a mom of twin boys, a teacher at the time of 20 second graders, I don't have the time or luxury to be able to lay in bed for days on end and cry. I wish I could have had that ability but I have to resume some semblance of our lives. Two days after the funeral I am back at work. It was hard walking out the door and not saying goodbye to Kevin. I just kind of said "bye honey" as I walked out the door, I didn't know what else to do. You get into a routine and when that routine has to change you are very unsettled for quite some time. I got to school and sat in my truck collecting myself, it was certainly difficult mustering the strength to walk in the building that first day back. Everyone was shocked to see me, but it was field day, easy day to go back and a day of fun. My class was so thrilled I was back they made me feel loved. Half way through the day I get called to the principal's office, I am moving to third grade. More upheaval in my life but a good change I feel. Now I have to pack and move over the next 2 weeks. That was a lot to process on my first day back and I get in the truck to go home and realize Kevin is not there for me to call. I would call him every day as I left work and ask him "is there anything you need, want or desire." He is not there to call, he is not there to tell I am changing grades, he is not there to share my ups and downs with. This sucks!!!
Monday, April 11, 2016
This Sucks!!!
I am a mom of twin boys, a teacher at the time of 20 second graders, I don't have the time or luxury to be able to lay in bed for days on end and cry. I wish I could have had that ability but I have to resume some semblance of our lives. Two days after the funeral I am back at work. It was hard walking out the door and not saying goodbye to Kevin. I just kind of said "bye honey" as I walked out the door, I didn't know what else to do. You get into a routine and when that routine has to change you are very unsettled for quite some time. I got to school and sat in my truck collecting myself, it was certainly difficult mustering the strength to walk in the building that first day back. Everyone was shocked to see me, but it was field day, easy day to go back and a day of fun. My class was so thrilled I was back they made me feel loved. Half way through the day I get called to the principal's office, I am moving to third grade. More upheaval in my life but a good change I feel. Now I have to pack and move over the next 2 weeks. That was a lot to process on my first day back and I get in the truck to go home and realize Kevin is not there for me to call. I would call him every day as I left work and ask him "is there anything you need, want or desire." He is not there to call, he is not there to tell I am changing grades, he is not there to share my ups and downs with. This sucks!!!
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Sue, If you noticed, I have not started working on my flower beds yet. I tried, but I find myself looking at your house hoping to see Kev. Waiting to hear him yell across the yard, "What are you doing out there, its starting to rain." or "Watch out for those bees." Not sure if my flower beds will ever look the same, but I want you to know that I am here and all you have to do is come a knocking. I love you guys and I will treasure the time I had with Kevin.
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