My Broken Heart

     This has been a very long year and our first summer without Kevin was probably the longest of my life.  The first month I was numb going through the days, but there were glimpses here and there that he was here with me. Sometimes I think I might be crazy or others may find me crazy, but I know what I have seen, heard and felt.  I know he is here with me showing himself to me any way he can.
     One Sunday in June the boys and I went to my sister in-law and my brother in-law's vacation house in Pennsylvania for the day to visit.  On our way to get ice cream I saw this deer looking at me in the truck as I drove past him.  All of a sudden the deer winked at me, yes winked at me.  Nate suddenly said "Mom the deer just winked at us, did you see that!" Matt said, "That was dad, mom, I know that was dad." I knew that too, I could just feel it. The next day I looked out the living room window and looking at the window was a deer.  I called the boys in room and the three of us stood there looking at the deer and while the deer was looking at us.  There was Kevin again checking on us.
     When Kevin and I first met we enjoyed riding on his motorcycle through the mountains and listening to music all the time.  Our taste of music is very eclectic. We would sit at night and listen to Delilah, we also listened to Stone Temple Pilot, Creed, Train and anything else that struck our fancy.  One day, after dropping the boys off with friends, I had to drive home through Minnewaska State Park. I had the radio on  and as I entered the park Stone Temple Pilot's song Plush came on, one of my favorites.  The song played from the beginning of the park to the end of the park.  I cried the whole way through.  That drive was extremely hard.  The memories of the song, riding the motorcycle on those curvy roads and missing my love, my heart was broken.