After another night of not much sleep I go to meet with our priest, Reverend Peggy. She is amazing. Kevin loved talking to her and would discuss the bible with her for hours. The bible is not my specialty. I go to church, I listen to the sermon, Kevin and I would discuss the sermon, our thoughts and feelings, but I could not talk to him about the bible. I never really read it or understood it the way he did. So, when the boys and I sat down to talk with Reverend Peggy I was at a loss. As we sat and discussed the particulars I had to pick out reading and hymns. How do you pick just the right ones, I felt overwhelmed but with the help of Peggy and Dan we picked the perfect readings and hymns for Kevin. Then we had to discuss the eulogy, the four boys wanted to talk about their dad. Reverend Peggy had the best advice for the boys, especially since the twins, Matt and Nate wanted to talk about their dad, she said tell one story about your dad because you don't want everyone else to think they can own your pain. Reverend Peggy was that bright light in that very dark day. The boys and I went home and prepared for our up coming two days. We had to shop for clothes, the 3 boys, Dan, Matt and Nate, decided they wanted to match, black pants, black shirts and sunglasses. The hardest part was picking out clothes for me, I always tried clothes on and got Kevin's opinion even though he always said "Baby doll you look great in everything!" I missed hearing that and of course the boys were all yeah mom that looks good. Not the same.
The final thing that needed to be done was going through pictures and putting together the boards. Let me tell you there was a lot of crying. All of those memories, pictures from when we were dating and trips with Dan, our wedding, the boys being born, vacations with them, and all that we had done together, with the kids or alone all came flooding back. All I thought was this sucks, I miss him so much, I need him here with me. However, the happy memories helped me through and so did the boys.
Thanks for sharing sharing your story. You are so brave and strong to do this. The boys and your beautiful memories will carry you through. There are going to be good days....and not so good days. Cling to those boys and memories when things get tough. This blog will help you too....and family and friends.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing sharing your story. You are so brave and strong to do this. The boys and your beautiful memories will carry you through. There are going to be good days....and not so good days. Cling to those boys and memories when things get tough. This blog will help you too....and family and friends.
ReplyDeleteCan't imagine being in your shoes. You are such a strong, caring woman -- The boys are so lucky to have you as their Mom -- God Bless and much love!
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