Tuesday, June 30, 2020

Moving forward

Losing a spouse and how you deal with it is a very personal thing.  Some people are able to continue on with their life fairly quickly, cleaning things out, dating again and getting married.  For other people, it may take a longer time.  I am definitely in the second group and I am ok with that. 
It has been 5 years since Kevin passed.  In that time I have focused on raising my amazing boys from pre-teens to seniors in high school.  However, if you walk into my house, my bedroom, my bathroom you would think my husband was still here.  As I was doing my deep cleaning after school finished I got to the bathroom and realized it was time.  It was time to throw out the toothbrushes, the razor and the shaving cream that have been sitting there for over 5 years.  I have been cleaning around them all this time and never thought twice about it, but as I was in there I just decided it was time.  

Our bedroom was the next area to tackle.  As I dusted Kevin's dresser I found all sorts of things, some stuff did get thrown out and others were just dusted off and put back.  I am good with that.  I threw out his underwear and socks and his jeans will be next.  That will be it for now though.  I am not in a place in my life where I can just get rid of everything of his.  I can't box it up, I can't throw it out, I can't not have him with me.  

That is me though, that is how I deal with it.  I know people who were able to get rid of their spouses stuff, start dating and get married.  I don't judge them for that, it is just not me.  Everyone is different in how they process death and loss.  Me, I take it one year, one day, one moment at a time.