Mom or Sybil Depends on the Day

As a single mom how do I deal with teenage boys and their attitudes? I don’t know because two is definitely more difficult than one and doing it solo is much harder than with a partner.  Kevin and I tag teamed Dan when he was a teenager, Matt and Nate don’t have that luxury.  They just have crazy me ... sometimes known as Sybil.   Well, Matt and Nate are now 14 years old and getting that teenage attitude like all teenagers do and have that underlying anger about their dad. Teenage attitude on crack, that's what I deal with every day. What do I do? Sometimes I give it right back to them.  Is that the best thing to do, probably not but that is what happens. With Kevin by my side, if one of us went off the hook and yelled and screamed the other was there as the voice of reason. Never contradicting what the other said but said it whole lot calmer. Now I am the yelling one and the voice of reason. I am seriously having difficulty finding that balance. We have good days and bad days. Screaming days and calm days.  After every confrontation I re-evaluate what happened, how can I handle it differently, what can I say in a different manner. I find I am apologizing for my outbursts and the anger that I have for no reason in particular.
Last week I guess I reached the breaking point. I had it out with one of the boys because of grades one night. The next morning it continued until I got him to school. As I was driving to work all I could do was yell at Kevin, "how could you leave me!", I cried and yelled some more "how could you leave me alone with them!" It continued, "what am I suppose to do by myself, how can I do this alone?!" I talk to Kevin often and I am working on self reflecting because that is the only way I am going to get through my days with any amount of sanity.