Only What I Can Handle

So they say God only gives us what we can handle.  For the last 21 months I felt like I was given more than my fair share.  Things went wrong in the house, Matt got a concussion that has lasted 15 months and Nate has had his fair share of problems academically and broken bones.  The whole time I am saying enough is enough, why am I getting hit with all of this.  This week I realized why!  I am a strong, independent person who believed right from the time Kevin passed away that I could do this.  I can be mom, teacher, homeowner, whatever I need to do I can do it.  I have friends to do things with and go places with to keep busy.  I have my parents and sister when I need help.  I am all good.   This week I realized that God keeps throwing things at me because there was something I needed to learn.  I needed to learn to ask for help from friends.  I needed to understand there are people who have been in my life or have come into my life that can help me.  This week was my eye opener when Nate had places to be and Matt had different therapies for his concussion, all at the same time.  I got in touch with friends who were involved in the same activities and asked for help.  Of course I have amazing people in my life who immediately helped me out.   I am learning.  I won't say I have completely changed but I am working on it.  Thank you friends for being there for my boys and me, you are the best!!!

The First of Many

This year as we continue through our second year without Kevin and move into year 3, we are beginning to hit the big things without Kevin.  Today was the first of many big things in our lives that we are doing without Kevin.  The twins were confirmed this morning.  For me it was extremely difficult standing there watching my boys in their new suits being blessed by the bishop by myself. My family was there with me but I was not with my partner, soul mate, the boys dad. I was alone.  During the service I cried several times and just tried to keep it together the rest of the day.  Nate and I went out in the afternoon and talked about the day.  He is a very wise young man. We discussed how I missed dad being there with me and with them.  Nate's response was "Mom, Dad was there standing right next to you."  I love that boy and his spirit and insight.  I try to be strong for them but I think they are the strong ones for me!