How Are You?

A common statement, and I say statement because I am not sure it is a question anymore since it comes right after hi, is how are you?  My question now is, do you really want to know?  I ponder my answer often.  How should I respond?  Do I tell the truth: I am crappy, I am having a good moment or bad moment, I am up and down or however I am feeling at the time. Or do I just say OK and move  on.  I have spent the last 15 months contemplating this question and I think I have an answer, however I am not sure it is the answer people want to hear.

If you ask the question how are you?, please be ready to hear a truthful answer.  Do not judge me, do not tell me you understand, because you don't, do not try and give me advice.  You don't know, you have not been there, you do not understand!  If you have had a similar experience then you can share your experience but don't tell me what I can, should or would do if I were you.

I have faced this. One day about 3 months after Kevin passed away I was starting the school year and I had a very hard time leaving the house the first time.  I always said goodbye to him, gave him a kiss and walked out the door.  It hit me as I was walking out I couldn't do those things anymore.  I cried and had a difficult time getting it together.  Someone asked me later in the day how are you?  I answered truthfully and shared what happened.  The response was, "well just say goodbye as you leave the house and find some other routine."  I know they didn't mean anything by it but I was hurt.  I did not want advice, I wanted an ear.  To this day my answer to that person when asked how are you? is OK.

Not all of my experiences have been bad.  Same event, I called a friend and she came immediately, sat in the parking lot and cried with me, gave me a hug and sent me on my way when I was ready to go in.  There was no advice, no real conversation, she was just there for me.

So in the future just be aware of what you say to someone, especially someone who has lost a significant member of their family.  And if my answer to you when you ask me How are you? is OK, it may be that I am OK or it may be I believe you don't really give a SH--!