I have always heard people say "the firsts are the hardest after someone you love passes away." Honestly I do not agree. I am now in year two and I will tell you, it is definitely harder than year one. Year one I was still in shock, not believing any of this was happening. Year two I feel like I am coming out of the fog but not completely. It hurts more now. My heart is constantly heavy and I find I cry a little more than before. All sorts of things remind me of Kevin, music I hear on the radio, the beautiful fall leaves on the trees I see around me, the gorgeous cloudless blue sky, the dogs that he wanted for the boys, my boys behavior, everything. I still smell him in his clothes and his pillow. Not a day goes by that I don't miss him.I still cry, probably more now than before. I don't sob anymore but I do cry. I then find the strength, pull myself together and continue on with my day. I have to be strong for others and for me. There is too much to take care of - house, pool, cars, property, kids, work and anything else that may pop-up. It is a balancing act being able to grieve but not have it be all consuming. That is the key, grief can not be all consuming. It gets worse before it gets better, but I am sure that at some point it will get a little better.
